Older But Not Wiser

Everyone, today is my birthday- my 30th birthday. I had originally taken the day off to head to the mountains for some xc skiing or hiking but after spending two sick days at home and still feeling crappy, I opted to save my vacation day and come to work instead. Woop-dee-doo.

I was BALD!

I was BALD!

I’ve been working on this birthday post for weeks because I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling about turning 30. A co-worker of mine said it best “I think it doesn’t matter how old you are but how happy you are with life and what you’ve accomplished so far.” That would explain why I am so freaked out!

I am 30 and I have no idea what I’m doing with this life or what/who I want to be. Don’t you think by 30 you should have at least an inkling?

“We all know and accept that we are different humans, with different bodies, characteristics, features, and lives. Yet there is still such a general stereotype of what woman should look like, or be like at any given age. And every single aspect seems to be monitored: Hair, eyes, body, wardrobe, employment, family life, bank accounts, relationships, car, diet, hobbies… “ (Rebekah Steen, Goldfish Kiss)

When I tell people my age, no matter how old or young they are, they all tell me they thought I was in my early 20’s. When I ask “is it because I look so young?” the answer is always “No. You just act like a 22 year old.” I choose to take that as a compliment! Because acting like a adult is BORING!

Away I go!

I won’t grow up- you can’t make me!

Though I act like I’m in my early 20s,  I spent my 20’s trying to act older. I tried to achieve success in the workplace by acting like I was 50 and I worked so hard to fit society’s definition of where I should be for a woman my age. I’m over that now. It took me until I was 30 to discover I’m doing life wrong. I’m trying to fit society’s standard of how I should act and what I should have and I’m done with it.

I want to spend my 30s breaking out of the mould and really figuring out who I am, what I’m passionate about, and appreciating each day for what it has to offer.

“I don’t want to feel like I need to escape my day to day life, or constantly be counting down the months or days until my next escape.” (Joanna, Living Mint Green)

When I read this on Jo’s blog it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have spent most of my life living for my next escape, my next weekend adventure or long vacation. But being married with a mortgage and two step kids means uprooting my life and heading to Hawaii or the mountains isn’t possible so I have to make the life I have one that I don’t want to escape from.

I intend to kick off my 30s doing two things- starting a family and creating a life that meets my needs- not one that fits some mould. 

And falling under those two things include; turning my home into a sanctuary, starting a savings account, finding my signature style, learning to like cooking, finding a career I’m passionate about, making sure Ryan knows how much he is appreciated and loved.

Sorry for the rambling guys, I’ve been lying in bed sick for two days just reflecting on life.

Any tips for self discovery and creating a life you don’t need to escape from?

Going to spend my 30s finding me

Going to spend my 30s finding me

9 Comments

  • Chad December 18, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Happy birthday and what a rad post! It hit me close to home as I dealt with the same feelings earlier this year. Now I’m halfway through year 30 and still feeling that uncertainty but what I’ve finally realized is that’s actually ok… and even good! I’d rather pursue a life searching for more than a sedentary one thinking there’s no more to search.

    It was around age 28 that, like you, I started feeling the weight of confirming to other’s expectations. I also started searching out the things you describe and it helped! I built a little savings, started adventuring more, picked up new hobbies, and learned to cook more than just hamburger helper LOL… I’m still working on the career and personal style solution BUT I continue to learn so much more about myself while sorting those things out.

    Once you’re 30, its almost freeing. Now that I’m on the back end of that number, I think about it so much less than I ever did while it approached. For kids at heart like us, age really does become “just a number”. I bet you’ll see soon!

    Basically, I realized that the whole expectation of a what a “30 year old” person should be is for the birds.

    We get one shot at this world, at youth, at adventure, at being who we are and living a way that makes us happiest. The best advice I can give is to use your time wisely but not conservatively.

    “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” -Henry David Thoreau

    All things considered, I’d say you’re pretty awesome at avoiding that quiet desperation. And that says all ya need to know about your future, right there!

    Reply
    • Betty LIVIN December 18, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Thanks so much for your words Chad! I’m glad I’m not the only one who is still searching.

      Reply
  • briwifruit December 18, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    First of all, happy birthday!!! I also have a 30th birthday looming and am feeling the same way. I’m definitely not where I thought I would be, but I’m kind of proud of myself for that. Though it looks bad on paper that I’m still not married, have no kids, live in a 450 sq foot bachelor suite and have a pile of debt, I feel like I’m on the cusp of finding my place and purpose in life. It sounds like you are too!

    Reply
  • thebexfactor December 18, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Happy birthday!! I hope you feel better soon.

    I really love this post. I’m coming up on 30 soon myself, as a single mom who just isn’t anywhere that I expected to be at this point in my life. Hopefully you can learn some good tips to share on your journey of self discovery.

    Also, I think your goals for 30 should read a little differently. You already have a family with your husband and step children!! You just need to get pregnant 😉

    Good luck in your journey this year. Where ever it takes you, remember that it’s always exactly where you’re suppose to be, even if you haven’t realized it yet.

    Reply
    • Betty LIVIN December 19, 2014 at 8:18 am

      Thanks for the kind works Becky! It’s just crazy how fast this birthday came up and scary too! If 30 came this fast so will 40 and then 5! Ahhh!

      But you said it best, we’re always exactly where we;re supposed to be even if we haven’t realized it yet.

      Reply
  • Joanna @ LivingMintGreen December 19, 2014 at 11:02 am

    I hope you had the best birthday! I think it’s an myth that we’re “supposed to have our lives figured out’ by a certain age… or even at all! Where’s the fun in that? Life is meant to be a surprise.

    That being said, it’s still so important to incorporate hobbies that you’re passionate about – and you’re already doing that, so don’t worry, you’re on track! 🙂

    Reply
    • Betty LIVIN December 19, 2014 at 11:04 am

      Thanks Jo! When are you coming to Lethbridge? I think a face to face meet up is necessary! And maybe hit up a pedal party at Kinetic!

      Reply
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