And just like that, I’m 35 years old- how is that possible? I remember how freaked I was about turning 30 and I blinked and now I’m halfway through my 30s. Every year I like to reflect on how my year has gone and what I’ve learned. Year 34 really had been about dealing with not having control. In reality, I feel like that’s every year, but this year especially.
The year started off strong. I began marathon training, did a 4 week eating plan to lose the last 10 pounds of baby weight, and learned to ski. I was nailing being a working mom and ready to apply for a full-time teaching job in the fall.
And then I got pregnant. Say what?!?! It took five years to have Tynan, I thought it would take at least a couple years to create another. And then things were beyond my control.
I found out two weeks before my marathon and at the urging of my physician, I opted out of running just because I have never done that distance before and didn’t know how my body would react. Six months of training and no big finish.
My first trimester illness was much worse this time around and I really struggled to care for Tynan, work, manage the household, and stay upright.
I’ve also put on so much more weight this time around! I started showing right away and heard a lot of comments about how big I was.
Needless to say, not having any control of my body has been a struggle.
As a substitute teacher, you have no control over how many days you work. Some weeks you work every day, others you’re lucky to get two days.
My plans to apply for a full time job went out the window because I didn’t feel right starting a school year knowing I would have to go on mat leave at Christmas.
And all the Rest…
Ryan started a new job where he was gone for 12-14 hours a day all season long and it was hard managing work, Tynan, and household stuff without him. Life stuff like unpaid bills, backed up sewer drains, broken down cars, etc. came up throughout the year too.
Learning to Let Go (a Little)
The majority of the year felt like I was just dealing with whatever was handed to me; and I struggled. I’m still struggling, but it’s been a great opportunity to force myself to trust in the universe a little. Have I got it down? Oh, not even close! I already have lists of things I want to do after the baby is born.
But I also understand that I may not be able to gain back as much control as I want. I have to be ready to surrender myself to the demands of two babies and not go crazy by the chaos that I’m sure life will be like.
I have a feeling that “letting go” will be my mantra or my 35th year of life, but we’ll see how it goes.
Only another week and a half until Baby Richards arrives!