I went white water rafting this weekend. And I wore a wet suit in public; where there were other people and photos taken.  Two years ago I wouldn’t have even entertained the idea.

A few months ago my friends suggested we buy a white water rafting excursion for one of our other friend’s birthdays. I said sure, fully expecting that I would bail. We picked a date, booked the tickets and I forgot about it entirely. One day I checked my calendar and saw it, ‘White Water Rafting’ all day, Saturday June 25th.

I wasn’t worried about the rapids or the water temperature, or safety. I was worried about my weight. I’ve been on Weight Watchers now for more than a year and am still intermittent fasting. I’ve also been getting more and more active (so many more walks) and have lost a bit of weight lately.  I feel really proud of my hard work and am starting to see results.

 But I’m still biggest of my group of friends.

Racing Thoughts

Is there a weight restriction on the boat? What if I got there and they said I couldn’t get on the boat? Or even worse, they split the boats up by weight and I got separated from my friends? What if I get thrown from the boat and they can’t lift me back in?” These were just the tip of the iceberg for my weight related worries.

Then I got thrown another curve ball. On the drive to Canmore, one of my friends mentioned the wet suits.

A WET SUIT!?

I HAVE TO WEAR A WET SUIT

IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?

I had picked out a cute outfit that I felt confident in to wear rafting. But now I have to wear a skin tight suit?

That made me a little introspective for a bit.

Thoughts like “Are they going to have a suit that fits me? Would I look like the body double for the Orca in Free Willy? Will they give me a refund if they don’t have one that fits me?” ran through my head. But after 10 minutes in my head I realized something. There is a 100% chance that I am not the biggest person to ever go white water rafting.

Did the worry also stop me from eating A&W once we got into town? Yes, which I slightly regretted later.

Finding the Wetsuit

As we waited in line to get wet suits and other PPE a friend pointed out that at least I had said yes to the adventure. I told her this was the part of the whole thing I was most anxious about. (I have only in the last year or so become comfortable telling people when I have a specific anxiety or anxious feeling) And god bless her she told me she understood, and that I had worked hard to get to where I was and should be proud of that. (Which I am) and that she had me.

I will forever be grateful for that and for her. 

The staffer giving out wet suits gave me two to try. Which was fantastic (options when you’re plus sized are clutch). I went to one of the private change rooms. Not going to lie- I had a little cry in line waiting to change. 

I told myself I had it, and…

I PUT THE WETSUIT ON! First try!! 

 I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to wear something skin tight. 

I walked out of the change room and felt like good (not great… was still a little self-conscious) and my friends said I looked the part of a guide. Which I don’t believe but still blushed.

Then I feel great. 

It also helped that everyone was wearing the same thing. My friend who had waited in line with me quietly said to me “the thing you were most worried about is over. And you look great”

I wanted to capture how I felt in that moment so I asked her husband to take my photo.

An Amazing Day Outdoors

The rest of the day was magical (Apart from the minute of panic when I couldn’t get into the boat, but that’s just because I am horribly uncoordinated and can’t jump and went I cross checked the back of one of my friends heads to save my face from his head smashing into it)

The river was beautiful, and exhilarating. At one point I looked around and felt like I was in a movie. White water rafting in the Rocky Mountains; probably one of the greatest afternoons I’ve had in a long time.

I wasn’t scared of the rafting part in fact I was excited about the danger of it. All of my worry and anxiety about the day was about me.  But thanks to amazing friends and sticking with Intermittent Fasting and Weight Watchers it worked out. 

We booked with Canadian Rockies Rafting and it was 10/10. They were professional, kind and most of all made all of us 9 (with varying levels of athleticism) feel confident and able to raft. Check out https://rafting.ca/ for more information.

 Thanks Better LIVIN for this opportunity! Follow @beariverwithme for more of my journey if your so inclined!

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